Indy News Update #1 for August 29, 2010
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Thursday August 26

Stranglehold Hardcore Wrestling
“Devils Playground Tour”
Oshawa, Ontario
At the Legion
8:30 PM start
Ring Announcer: Big Daddy Donnie
Referees: Harry D, Ref Wasted
Results credit: Gordo for

1) “White Trash” Matt Cash def Tomer Shalom [6 min]
Tomer Shalom is a relative newcomer to Ontario indy having emigrated to Canada from Israel where he was a member of the Tzahal (Israel Defense Forces) up until his sudden departure from that country. Rumor has it that Shalom was court martialed and booted from that army for stealing 175 Shekels from the Ezrat Avot Charity fund. He certainly seems like the type of guy who would steal from the disadvantaged and elderly although fans booed him here just because of his belligerent attitude. His opponent, “White Trash” Matt Cash is a Stranglehold regular and was his usual half-baked cordial self. Shalom had Cash in trouble late in the bout and picked him up for what looked to be a DVD but Matt grabbed a handful of loose change from his pocket and tossed it on the mat. Shalom released Cash and began scooping up the scattered pennies and nickels. Cash surprised him with a spinebuster to score the pin and win this opening contest.

2) Special Challenge Match:
Grand Wizard Jr def Yellow Kid [5 min]
Announced as having a 2 hour time limit this bout was initiated by Grand Wizard Jr who claimed in the weeks prior to the show that he would show everybody he was as great a wrestler as he is a manager by facing anyone who had the guts to answer his challenge. To make his challenge even more daunting Wizard didn’t want to know his opponent’s identity until he was announced for the match. Of course, being the Grand Wizard of Wrestling, he brought along an insurance policy he thought would give him the “fastest victory ever in Stranglehold”… the Hypnotic Wheel of Destiny.

Wizard’s opponent turned out to be Yellow Kid, apparently “a holder of a yellow belt in every Martial Art there is.” Kid took the mic before entering the ring and told Grand Wizard “This is Stranglehold. People want to see wrestling, not magic!” An indignant Wizard replied “I’m a mentalist, not a magician!” Yellow Kid climbed in the ring saying that just because MMA was now legal in Ontario it didn’t mean fans would see just MMA. He was going to show them something from every discipline. Grand Wizard said “Yea, including masturbation” and pointed his Hypnotic Wheel of Destiny at Kid who began staggering then fell to the mat. Ref Harry D called for the bell and Grand Wizard jumped on Kid for the cover but the Martial Arts fighter got his foot up on the ropes to break the count.

What followed was 5 minutes of action that can only be described as side-splitting hillarious. Even the normally staid official Harry D couldn’t keep from smiling at the antics of Yellow Kid and Grand Wizard. After numerous laughs, unorthadox wrestling maneuvers and incredibly awkward spills and falls, Grand Wizard Jr used an elbow drop to defeat Yellow Kid and end the funniest pro wrestling match Ontario indy has seen in years.

3) Arm Wrestling Challenge:
Pissed Off Pete vs Stacy “The Kat” Carter ended in a no contest.
It was pretty bizarre to see famous midget little person wrestler Pissed Off Pete in the ring with former WWE (or is ‘F’) Diva Stacy Karter so ref Harry D can be forgiven if it took him awhile to get things set and the two of them to finally start this special attraction arm wrestling contest. They’d just begun and neither had yet to gain an advantage when Stranglehold Champion Dynamite Terzis ran in and walloped Pete, knocking him flying. Terzis menaced Stacy who cowered against the buckles but before he could do anything to her Sinn Bodhi (her husband & former WWE star as Kizarny) ran out to make the save. Terzis bailed to the floor and the following exchange of insults and threats led to him and Sinn agreeing to face each other in a match later on the show.

– Intermission:
Sinn & Stacy met fans & posed for pictures as did “International Superstar” Hornet & Amy Victory while Ontario star Rip Impact sold his merch. Raffle tickets for an autographed Don Cherry poster were sold and all tickets go into a later draw with the prize being “the world’s biggest hockey stick.” (Also autographed by Cherry.) That hockey stick was on display at the show – it’s 13 feet long. Apparently, buying raffle tickets end cancer.

4) 3-Way Elimination Match:
“International Superstar” Hornet w/ Amy Victory def “High Risk Hero” Rip Impact and Kobra Kai [12 min]
Hands down the best wrestling match of the night as all 3 guys delivered some amazing stuff. Kobra Kai and Hornet worked together against Impact in the opening minutes but, thanks in part to their arrogance, Rip was able to survive their tandem assault and even lay in some decent offense. Both Kai and Hornet took turns distracting Ref Wasted by pointing out random shiny objects so the other could use blatant cheats against Rip. They had Impact in trouble after Hornet viciously threw a wad of gum in his face and the two bad guys began to shill their greatness even more. Kai bodyslammed Rip and posed on the ropes yelling “That’s how you do it!” Hornet looked at him and said “What’d you do?” Amy yelled “Just PIN him already!” and Hornet went to the top to hit an awesome frog splash but Kai broke up the pin and their alliance began to fall apart.

Hornet and Kai began fighting each other which gave Rip a chance to recuperate. Hornet dropkicked Kai out through the ropes to the floor and Amy tried to lend a hand by grabbing Rip’s foot at the ropes to hold him in place for Hornet’s charge but Impact backdropped the “International Superstar” over the top onto Kobra. Rip then pulled Amy up on the apron and kissed her before figuratively kicking her to the curb by shoving her onto Kai & Hornet. Rip then hit a suicide dive onto them. The action returned to the ring with all 3 guys hitting some big moves, Kobra Kai’s enziguri to Impact getting the loudest response from fans. It wasn’t enough to keep Impact down though and Rip nailed Kai with a tornado DDT to eliminate him from the bout.

Hornet jumped on Rip after the pin on Kai, yanking his hair and raking his eyes but couldn’t find his gum to throw in Impact’s face for the coup de grĂ¢ce. Rip withstood a suplex and nearfall and rallied with a nice float over the top elbow drop from the apron for a 2 count of his own. He hoisted Hornet over the top to the apron and tried to run him to the turnbuckle support but Hornet blocked it and re-entered the ring with a dropkick from the top rope. He called for a “Pacificplex” but Rip blocked that and hit the Ripcord. Amy jumped up on the apron so instead of pinning Hornet, Rip attempted to kiss her again. She looked like she was okay with that when she grabbed the back of his head but blocked his liplock and stretched his neck over the top rope by jumping to the floor. Impact staggered away from the ropes and Hornet waffled him with a superkick to the chin to win the match.

5) Semi Main Event:
Special Stipulation – If the challenger wins he gets a shot at the Stranglehold Championship on Saturday’s event in Toronto
“Carnival Freak” Sinn Bodhi w/ Stacy “The Kat” Carter & Pissed Off Pete def Dynamite Terzis to earn a title shot. [16 min]
Like most of the previous matches on the card this bout had a good deal of comedy, most of it supplied by the vocals of challenger Sinn Bodhi. Champion Dynamite Terzis may be undefeated in Stranglehold and the only man to ever hold that belt (which he has for 4 years) but that didn’t stop Sinn from mocking him when it became apparent that Terzis was hesitant to step into the ring to face him. Sinn called Terzis “Healthy Smurf” and promised that when he defeated him, either he, or Kat or Pete would fart on Dynamite’s head. It wasn’t until Sinn called him a “little boy” that Terzis finally got in the ring… and then only after confirming once again that it was a non-title match.

Terzis bailed immediately after the bout officially started and continued his stalling tactics. Terzis complained to ref Harry D that Sinn “wasn’t normal” (He does look a little strange, even for Oshawa) and that the whole thing “wasn’t right.” In an effort to persuade Terzis to fight, Sinn said that he would do “any kind of wrestling hold except a reach-around.” When Terzis did go for a lockup Sinn grabbed him by the nipples and flipped him to the mat and Dynamite bailed again for even more stalling and vocal banter from the “Carnival Freak”

They did eventually get to fighting but Terzis continued to bail to the floor and stall whenever it looked like Sinn was gaining the solid advantage. When Sinn grew weary of thinking up unsults and taunts he asked fans to supply some “Canadian slang” for him to use but aside from some pretty lame Toronto Maple Leaf references there weren’t really many suggestions so Sinn just called him a “fizucking fizag” instead. That brought Terzis back into the ring with a willingness to mix it up but he was quickly snared in a full nelson. Sinn suggested that Stacy “slap this twat” but Dynamite cut short Bodhi’s fun and games with a back-kick to the nuts.

That move definitely shifted momentum in Dynamite’s favor and he began laying in some heavy offense in the form of various kicks and leg strikes including a wicked jumping enziguri. He hoisted Sinn up in a fireman’s carry but dropped him when “The Kat” jumped up on the apron. Terzis and ref Harry D were distracted and didn’t see Pissed Off Pete toss his helmet to Sinn who used it to floor Terzis and score the winning pinfall thus earning the title shot at the Saturday show in Toronto. After the match Pissed Off Pete farted on Dynamite’s head.

6) Main Event:
Sheepherder Luke Williams w/ Grand Wizard Jr def Bloody Bill Skullion [7 min]
A short but violent bout that saw Skullion on the defensive until he targeted Luke’s throat with some nasty thrusts. Luke fought back and ripped at Skullion’s nose after putting him down with a running headbutt to the gut. Bloody Bill escaped by punching Luke in the balls then went out onto the floor where he found a pop can that he ripped in half before re-entering the ring. The Sheepherder foiled Bill’s planned assault by returning the punch to the nuts then used the jagged pop can to cut Bill’s head to shreds.

Skullion managed to avoid a running clothesline and knocked Luke out through the ropes with a jumping double knee strike to the chest. Wizard jumped up on the apron to distract Skullion but Bill ignored him and left the ring to smash Luke across the back with a chair. Skullion rolled Luke back inside and the Sheepherder reeled toward Ref Wasted. Skullion set up for his flaming punch but Luke ducked the blow and Ref Wasted took it in the mush, falling to the mat with his hair on fire. Luke pulled out his Coal Miner’s Glove and leveled Skullion with it. Ref Harry D slid into the ring to count the pin and award the match to Luke.

They got into it again after the bell – Skullion said he thought he was going to be wrestling a “cartoon character” and if he’d known Luke was going to bring that “sheepherder shit” he would have been better prepared. Luke got on the mic and challenged Bill to another match on Saturday telling him to “bring your light tubes, bring your barbed wire. Let’s make it no time limit, no DQ, no rules!” Skullion raged through the crowd kicking chairs around then grabbed a female fan and hid behind her as he challenged Luke to come get him. When Luke did just that Bill ran to the back with the Sheepherder in hot pursuit. A couple moments later Bill dragged Luke back into the venue with a headlock but Luke shoved him off and into the post. Bill picked up a chair but when he saw Luke had once again put on the Coal Miner’s Glove he fled the arena. Luke made a circuit around the venue in his trademarked Bushwhacker Walk then licked some broad’s head, tossed her over his shoulder and carried her away.

Stranglehold’s “Devils Playground Tour” rolls into Lee’s Palace Toronto with So Sick Social Club this Saturday (Aug 28) Tickets will be $20. at the door. Doors at 8pm. Show at 9pm




Javier Gonzalez sent this in:

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